


I'm the Spy: A Star Wars Fanfiction

by BadFeeling



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-28
Updated: 2020-09-28
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:35:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26699929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BadFeeling/pseuds/BadFeeling
Summary: What's a day in the life like for the galaxy's most notorious spy? General, or rather Double Agent Armitage Hux just blew up five Republic planets, and now returns to headquarters for commendation.
Kudos: 1





	I'm the Spy: A Star Wars Fanfiction

‘I’M THE SPY’: A Star Wars fanfiction

All the way up. The dial ticked off the floors one by one, and Hux stole a glance at himself in the black glass.

‘Stole’ was the wrong word. Took a long, hard look at the devilish piece of man-candy, folded to perfection in an expensive suit would be more like it. The First Order General… the man assuming his identity anyway, turned one way, then the other, flexed an arm so a black-velvet hummock strained the seam of the sleeve.

He straightened his tie, flashed a grin. Just two more floors and the dial came to rest between his brows with a ‘ding’, pointed towards that so-sculpted widow’s peak. He had arrived.

All eyes were drawn to Hux. He stepped into the lobby with something just shy of a swagger, and instantly the pad-pushers stopped typing. The devil, as always, made working hands idle. The nearest set of fingers fluttered at him, blew a kiss off their manicured rim, and he pocketed it with a practiced hand.

Of course, it looked like she was just blowing her nails dry. But both of them knew what the secret signal meant. Come here and lay some sweet baritones on me, big boy.

“Miss Pennysilver?” Hux said, leaning one manly arm on the desktop in front of her. He twisted his hand to catch a yawn, and Atlas shrugged once more above his elbow. He was going to need to get this suit re-tailored soon.

“How many times do I have to remind you: it’s Commander,” she said.

Hux turned the yawn into a chuckle. Oh, these games they played.

“Alright, Miss Commander. Any… paperwork to slide my way this morning?”

Pennysilver put down her data-pad, narrowed her eyes at him.

“If I want things thrown in the trash compactor on the way to your cubicle, I’ll do it myself.”

“Then I guess… no reason to hang around here?” He let the fingers of arm number two tap out a slow rhythm on the desktop. The rhythm quickly matched the theme tune playing through his head. Hux sensed on some level everyone could hear the soundtrack following him around at all times.

“Your father’s looking for you,” Pennysilver said.

He thought: Sh**.

Then he thought: Did I think that out loud?

“No,” she answered. “You just mouthed it.”

“Oh.” He decided it was best to yawn into his hand again, this time the back, so Atlas dragged his boulder a notch higher up the cliff of his arm.

“Was there anything else, Corporal?”

He thought.

“Just… what can old man possibly want with me…?”

“Think harder,” said Pennysilver. “Think really hard, for you, and you might just guess by the time you reach his office.”

Hux gave her a wink at that, then watched Atlas take a lunchbreak. The boulder slid back down into his elbow. He stretched and headed towards the big oak doors at the back.

“While I remember,” Pennysilver said.

He pivoted on one suede sole.

“Dinner’s at seven? On you?”

“You’ve called me by my real name twice now, while undercover,” she replied. “Remember, it’s Commander here. ‘Captain Phasma’ when we’re on the job. Have you got that this time, General?”

General. The word sounded better somehow, coming out of her. He looked her over, thinking how much better she looked out of that great chrome suit.

“I’ll remember, ma’am,” he said.

Yet more hands stopped what they were doing on his way past their cubicles. A few curled up to smother whispers about him. He caught the words ‘dead man walking’.

Yes. Walking men did drop dead at the sight of the Resistance’s top secret agent. He was glad word was getting around.

He pushed through the doors. His father was behind the desk, discussing things through a comm panel with his back to Hux. Hux knew he was watching him though. For as long as he could remember, the old man had had that cybernetic eye whirring around in his head, giving him the creeps, looking straight through solid surfaces. Hux shuddered manfully. Then he began wondering what he’d look through with an x-ray eye…

“Women’s clothes,” he said.

“What?” His father whipped round in his chair midsentence. “What the hell was that, Corporal?”

Sh**. Thinking out loud again. Well, that happened when your mind could barely contain your intellect…

“Whatever,” said Hux Senior. “Close the doors. Sit.”

Hux did. The doors swung shut behind him. The old man’s chair creaked under that broad body, so full of robotic implants Hux wondered if the man pissed data streams. He stabbed out a cigar on the desk, deepening an already darkened groove in the wood. The mechanical eye rolled around a few times, then fixed on Armitage Hux Junior, son-and-heir, pride-and-joy, apple-of-both-real-and-fake-eyes. Hux flung a leg over the arm of the chair.

“Sit up straight.”

Hux did.

“You know why I called you in?” said his father.

“Commendation for job well done?”

“To get you to damn well explain yourself, boy.”

Hux’s eyebrow pitched a tent to his hairline.

“Well, father, if you want me to file a report EVERY time I really, really nail something…”

His father’s fist slammed the desk.

“Five planets,” he snarled. “Five planets gone, blammo, wiped from the galaxy! At first, and you’ll see why I jumped to the conclusion, I thought it was incompetence on your part! The boy f***ed up again, took his eye off the big red button long enough for some First Order sh** to push it. But no. That’s not what I’m hearing. Not by half!”

Hux leaned back again, examined his girthiest finger. He’d been working them out one by one this past week, and the results were-

“You listening to me, boy?!”

Hux sat up again.

“Pardon me, father? Five planets? How’d you lose those?” Unless… The penny dropped. Then suddenly he imagined Miss Pennysilver dropping something, and everything else just sort of…

“I want you to think. Carefully. About what I’m talking about,” his father growled.

Think. Alright then, he’d humour the old man before his blood pressure burst whatever organic parts were left. He began tapping out a reminiscent theme on the chair’s arm.

Starkiller Base. Yup, that assignment had been a laugh and a half. If he remembered correctly, Miss Pennysilver had been thrilled to be assigned with him; she’d downed a whole bottle of vodka that night in celebration.

“Oh!” He snapped his fingers, laughed to himself. “You mean the Hosnian system. Yes, bit of a slipup, that. Couldn’t be helped.”

“Couldn’t…” His father’s eye did that red glow thing it did when he was using it as a laser pointer. “Couldn’t… be… HELPED?!”

His chair shot back on its wheels into the rear window. Then the old man went straight to his liquor cabinet and downed too shots before Hux could blink. When he turned around, the fumes shimmered through his lips with every word.

“Answer me very carefully,” he said. “Exactly who put a blaster to your thick head, and made you stand up in front of the whole First Order, to authorise the annihilation of FIVE F***ING PLANETS?!”

A drop of his father’s spit was sliding slowly down Hux’s lapel. He helped himself to some spare top-secret documents and wiped it away before answering.

“Father, it really all had to done. If I hadn’t stayed in character…”

“Five planets, Hux! Five! Do you know how many civilians-”

“Come on, father, how am I supposed to know which planets people actually live on?”

“Hosnian was our base of operations before you f***ed it into oblivion! Thanks to you, we had to move our entire headquarters here to Coruscant!”

Now his father mentioned it, the elevator ride had taken a bit longer this morning. Actually, had the last building even had an elevator?

His father cut another cigar with his teeth. Then he stared at it hard with his laser eye until the tip caught fire. Oh! Now that was cool. He did sometimes have to hand it to the old man…

“You’re lucky, boy…” Hux Senior said, jabbing the cigar at him. “You’re lucky we managed to blow that thing to kingdom come before-”

“Father, come on,” Hux said. “Don’t you think you’re overreacting? It all worked out in the end.”

“Because Pennysilver dropped the shields!”

“Ha! That was Pennysilver? Well what do you know? She said she was only there to watch my ass! I remember because I said… I said…”

…he’d probably said something witty about watching hers. But then, there’d been so much going on that day, what with that pretty young Stormtrooper begging him to blow up just one planet. Just one… Well, no one could say Armitage Hux didn’t go above and beyond that call.

He realised his father was still talking.

“…and do you know how difficult it is to climb your way out of a trash compactor?”

“Of course I do, father.” So many morning-afters…

The old man flicked the cigar butt into a bin and began rubbing the knuckles of one robotic hand with the other.

“If it were up to me,” he said. “I’d make sure you never set foot on a job again. Bust you down to Private while I was at it. Hell, flush you out an airlock and be done with you.”

He started pacing.

“But you’re in too goddamn deep. And somehow, miraculously, you might still be able to make something of this. So, you’re going back on assignment. To the Supreme Leader’s flagship this time.”

He wheeled his chair back to the desk and sat in it, looked at Hux long and hard with his laser-eye.

“Listen carefully. We are moving our people off D’Qar to a planet called Crait. All you need to do is stall the First Order fleet when it gives chase. Understand? Make up some excuse for why you can’t get in firing range. But for god’s sake make it believable. Not ‘Our ships can only go at the same exact speed as theirs’. That’s just idiotic. Something convincing, do you understand?”

Did he understand… Oh, if his father only knew the erotic shapes you could make out of the woodgrain in his desk when you squinted just right at it…

“Corporal!”

“Yes father! Sir!”

He saluted smartly. His father gave him another long, hard stare until Hux felt a spot of heat itching on his forehead. He rubbed at it, and his father waved him away.

“You’re dismissed then.”

Hux took his feet off the desk and got up to go. He was halfway out the doors when his father’s voice growled out again.

“And Hux, one more thing.”

“What is it, father?” he asked.

“Only you’d need reminding of something this monumentally f***ing simple, but sweet mother of Force, when you’re undercover, do not-”

“Yes, yes, father, no telling anyone I’m a secret agent. ‘Not even when intimate relations are a possibility’. Newest rule in the book.”

He pushed through the doors, and a hundred busy hands got busier under the tables. Or so he assumed. He of course was already looking forward to his own reflection on the long ride back down again. At a squint, he even got a preview in the metal of the doors, and slowed his walk to a saunter to enjoy it. As he thumbed the elevator button, he blew a kiss to Miss Pennysilver. She caught it expertly on her middle finger.

The dial clicked round again.

“Really, father,” he said to himself. “What do you think I’m going to do? Blurt out ‘I’m the spy’ to everyone for no reason?”

The doors slid open.

Although… He stepped inside. Given the right moment, how badass would that be…?

END

**Author's Note:**

> Writer’s notes:
> 
> Something a bit different, so I hope you got a laugh or two out of it!
> 
> This was mostly for anyone who’s read my Force Awakens rewrite and was wondering where Hux was. Well, here you go!
> 
> For something more serious, check out my other works – especially ‘STAR WARS EPISODE VII: THE FORCE (RE)AWAKENS’, where I’ve rewritten all of TFA from the ground up. If you’re a fan of the real movie or want a completely different take on it, I think you’ll get something out of it.
> 
> And what about this one? Want to see what else Hux the Spy gets up to? Leave a review if so, and I’ll see what I can do!


End file.
